Wacky Bastards

Sup,

An Oregon man steals 400 library books and gets caught, proving people that read a lot can be pretty damn stupid! Does it also suggest thieving is fundamental? I gotta million of ‘em!

From The Horse’s Mouth(KATU):

An Eagle Point, Ore., man has been accused of stealing nearly 400 books from local libraries and apparently had no plans to sell them.

Christopher Storrer, who listed “home” as his graduate school on a social-media website, has been banned from all Rogue Valley libraries while he awaits trial.

Christopher “Storrer” was storing nearly 400 stolen library books and being “home grad-schooled”? This is one of those stories that makes you stare into open space and squint…………………………………………………………..Ok, I’m back.

Sup,

Kristin Cavallari got dumped by Jay Cutler several days ago. She’s probably been going through a healing process. It may be working!

I think I got it. Ladies, take notes:

1. Get Dumped
2. Feel sorry for yourself
3. Cry a little
4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
5. Throw on the Daisy Dukes and go shopping (say, Beverly Hills)
6. Soak up all the love from those feeling sorry for you and those sayin’ “I’d still hit it(like me)
7. Smile for the cameras

Voila….Healed!!!

Warning: Results may vary. Works best if you’re Hot, Rich & Famous

Photos Fame Pictures

Sup,

Crystal Harris is fine…Dumb and nasty as hell, but fine! For those of you livin’ in Siberia, under a rock, freebasing, Crystal Harris is the young little philly who was bangin’ Hugh Hefner, not to mention ruining my appetite everytime I had to hear about it, but hey, I’ve never looked better, so thanks, Nasty Skank, I mean, Crystal. In an Interview on Howard Stern, Crystal Harris did the old man really dirty, and not in a good way. From the Horse’s Mouth(5 News):

She told Stern on Tuesday that she had never seen Hefner naked, and that they only had sex once during their two-year relationship.

Harris claimed it lasted “like about two seconds.”

“I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry,” she added.

Not turned on by Hef! Big beautiful breasts are awesome! Which exclamation is more obvious? I can’t answer that! She’s Stupid! Which exclamation is more….this could go on forever!

Photo Bitten & Bound

Sup,

There’s crazy, and then there’s smuggling blades in soft tacos. Alfred Casas, a Texas jail guard, decided to do just that for an inmate on trial for a double murder. The blade was to be used in an attempt to escape.

From The Horse’s Mouth(NBC Dallas – Ft. Worth):

A Texas jail guard smuggled a saw blade to a double murderer by hiding it in a soft taco.

Alfred Casas, 31, was convicted Tuesday of sneaking the blade into Bexar County Jail by hiding it in the taco shell in 2009. He admitted sneaking the taco to Jacob Keller, but denied it contained a blade. The jury disagreed and convicted him after delberating for ten hours, according to Assistant Bexar County District Attorney James Ishimoto.

Keller, 28, of San Antonio, used an assault rifle to gun down two strangers in front of a strip club in 2009. He was later nabbed in Mexico. Employees at the club, called Secrets, readily identified Keller because he was a regular who drove a red Maserati, according to the San Antonio Express-News.

Damn! What’s a brotha to make of a world where he can’t just grab a couple beers and watch some bare lady parts without fear of taking some lead in the parking lot?

Photo Mission Menus

Sup,

Hot chicks aren’t just for ogling!(Who says chivalry is dead?) They sell sh*t, and lots of it! They can also be used to bring about awareness, which is exactly what an organization called Surfrider Foundation Europe is demonstrating. To bring about a better understanding of how important the ocean is, they have created a calendar chalk full of hot, naked chicks covered in oil, an homage to the Gulf Oil Spill, Oh, and it’s a page-turner. The Surfrider Foundation Europe not only wants to bring about awareness, but also recruit more volunteers for the cause. Put me on set for the shoots and I’m in. It works!

Check out more of these insanely hot, oiled-up chicks @ Bit Rebels

Sup,

The tragic, yet miraculous, story of the Chilean Miners who were trapped, in a Chilean mine(duh), for 69 days(kinky), is going to be made into a movie. Where do I start with this one? How about: In my opinion, this remarkable story is movie of the week material. But, wait! That wouldn’t be theater, now, would it? (Luv saying that!) TV just doesn’t do it, right? Who needs the luxury of chillean’(that’s terrible) in your boxers, eating a sammich, sitting 10 feet from the bathroom watching a compelling story? No……We need long lines, uncomfortable viewing conditions, a 45-second obstacle course to the bathroom and a wallet that’s, let’s say, 40 bucks lighter. Hey, 45 seconds is a long time when you have to piss!

Anyway, it’s going to happen. The Chilean Miners have sold the rights to their story, a well-known producer is set to get the ball rolling and everybody(those who stand to make a lot of cheese) is excited to see this triumphant story on the big screen.

From The Horse’s Mouth(Athens Banner Herald via AP):

The 33 miners have sold the rights to their story to producer Mike Medavoy, the producer and the miners’ representatives announced Monday. The planned film will recount the remarkable plight of the miners who were trapped for 69 days after the San Jose mine they were working in collapsed near Copiapo, Chile.

The veteran producer Medavoy has produced films including “Shutter Island” and “Black Swan.” “Motorcycle Diaries” screenwriter Jose Rivera is set to write the script.

“We’ll dig deep into their stories,” Medavoy said in an interview. “We’re not just going to tell a story about 33 miners in a hole.”

“We’ll dig deep”, really? You know how I know I will not be spending 40 bucks to see the Chilean Miners Movie?

1st – I already know how it ends and doubt it will have the same affect on me like, say,”Titanic”(don’t judge me).

2nd -  “We’ll dig deep” was the standout phrase of the article for me

3rd – I probably won’t have 40 bucks

Photo via Getty Images

Sup,

Katy Perry was looking all kinds of smurftastic at the Smurfs premiere in NYC, NY on July 24th, 2011. Russell Brand, how did you do it? A man can only be so funny. Although, aside from the fact the movie sucked as a whole, the Arthur remake did have some moments. The Smurfs movie, eh? I don’t know about this one. I loved the cartoons, and the movie does have Doogie Howser in it. Eh, maybe…..if Katy’s there sitting beside me in that dress, so, never!

Fame Pictures

Sup,

Here’s Bar Refaeli vacationing in Italy with her boyfriend, David Fisher(Like you care), in a bikini that, frankly, wasn’t fitting her too well, so-to-speak. As far as I’m concerned it was not fitting her perfectly. Bar kept on having to make adjustments up top to keep the jublees in place, and down below, which she succeeded in doing, prompting a whole lot of “Dammits” across the blogosphere, I’m sure. Bar, of course, used to date Leonardo DiCaprio. I still find it hard to read, let alone write, that last statement, ‘cuz it’s just so unbelievable to me. We dudes do some wacky sh*t! Enjoy!

Fame Pictures

This is a photo that shows just how big a whale shark is compared to a human(actually, six humans) (actually, six dumb-ass humans). Now, we all know whale sharks are vegetarians, so-to-speak, just engulfing plankton and other non-meat particles in the ocean, but that doesn’t mean, especially with a mouth that big, you couldn’t get swallowed whole by accident. The caption for this particular photo, by Mauricio Handler, reads:

Aerial perspective of the gathering. Six snorkelers float, waiting to get a glimpse of these giants. These are not professional divers – just tourists.

Just dumb-ass tourists(sorry for repeating myself, but damn) is how that should’ve ended.

A Massachusetts man, David Cross, bought a van from a New Hampshire car dealership, which ended up being a piece of sh*t! After the dealership refused to take it back, he decided to take matters into his own hands.

From The Horse’s Mouth(The West via Reuters):

A man angry that a car dealership refused to take back a “lemon” van he had purchased, intentionally crashed it into seven parked vehicles, police said on Thursday.

The dispute began when David Cross, 42, of Salisbury, Massachusetts, and his wife on Monday bought a van at the Portsmouth Used Car Superstore, in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, said Portsmouth Police Lieutenant Russell Russo.

Cross told police that his mechanic quickly found a variety of problems with the van and advised him to return it to the dealer. But the business declined to take back what Cross said was a “lemon”, Russo told Reuters.

After the dealership closed on Tuesday, Cross returned at midnight and used his van to smash into seven vehicles on the dealer’s lot, including a Mercedes C300 and a Ford Mustang, causing damage initially estimated at $20,000, police said.

“He damaged each one, and then he left his van that he bought behind,” Russo said.

He then crossed the street to where a police cruiser happened to be parked and reported the incident, leading an officer back to the wrecks.

Now that’s a good citizen right there. Turned himself in minutes after his idiotic episode. I’m no judge, but I’d probably let this guy off based solely on the feel good nature of this incident(a little extreme, but still awesome). Who has ever bought something that a store wouldn’t take back and just wished, at that moment, you could throw the product in the manger’s face, right before vandalizing at least 3 or 4 really cool-looking displays you know took forever to contstruct? Just me?

Photo via Seacost Online

They rocked even back in the prehistoric human era.