Wacky Bastards

Sup,

Pets die all the time – sickness, old-age, killed by other animals, flattened by a motor vehicle. Hey, it’s just the way it is! But stabbed to death and then skinned? What’s up with that? Well, in the county of Clackamas in Oregon(remind me never to set foot in this county) the residents are becoming more and more familiar with their pets dying cruel and inhumane deaths. From The Horse’s Mouth(Oregon Live):

A family found their 14-year-old Jack Russell terrier stabbed to death and partially skinned over the weekend, and police are asking the public to help find the culprits.

The case is the third recent animal mutilation case in Clackamas County. Last month, Oregon City police found two cats had been killed and partially skinned. The cat mutilations are also unsolved, and authorities are looking at whether the three cases may be related.

The family let Spot out at 10 p.m. Saturday to roam their yard off Southeast Mountain Gate Road, near Ross Road. They found her remains the next day, discarded near their home.

Because coyotes sometimes skin their kills with near-surgical precision, sheriff’s deputies took the remains to the Oregon Humane Society for a full necropsy. Veterinarian Kris Otteman, the society’s shelter medical director, confirmed that the dog had been stabbed several times and mutilated after it died.

“She reported this was not an animal attack,” Rhodes said. “Spot had been killed by someone” with a knife.

Damn, who’d a ever thunk you’d be relieved your beloved pooch met a violent death at the hands(or claws) of a coyote? How can that be the second-worst fate for a pet? Why did the dog’s name have to be “Spot”? I thought spot was a male’s name – shows how much I know.

Sup,

This is the trailer for Magnolia Pictures’ Good Neighbors, starring Scott Speedman(Underworld), Emily Hampshire(Don’t know anything about) and Jay Baruchel(The Sorcerer’s Apprentice). Here’s a synopsis from, I assume, Magnolia Pictures. If not, sorry:

Neighbors Spencer (Scott Speedman) and Louise (Emily Hampshire) have bonded over their fascination with a recent string of murders terrorizing their community. When a new tenant named Victor (Jay Baruchel) arrives in the building, all three quickly hit it off. But as they soon discover, each of them has their own dark secret. As the violence outside mounts, the city retreats indoors for safety. But the more time these three spend together in their apartment building, the clearer it becomes that what they once thought of as a safe haven is as dangerous as any outside terrors they could imagine.

What’s up with that “Don’t Turn The Light On” song? Anyway, it’ll be on demand for $6.99 before the theatrical release(love that sh*t), so maybe I’ll check it out over at Wacky’s crib, since I ain’t payin’ $6.99 to watch anything on demand. Eh, I got 2 on it!

Sup,

What would we do without alcohol and meat? I don’t know, maybe live longer, healthier lives, but, then, what fun would that be? And let’s face it: Without alcohol consumption, some of us wouldn’t even be here. This freezer right here epitomizes gluttony(Forgive me Father, for I do sin…a little bit).

I feel like rambling about gluttony, so I think I will. Here goes!

Wikipedia’s definition:

Gluttony, derived from the Latin gluttire meaning to gulp down or swallow, means over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink, intoxicants or wealth items to the point of waste. In some Christian denominations, it is considered one of the seven deadly sins—a misplaced desire of food or its withholding from the needy.

Now, I’m not talking about withholding anything from the needy. I share, willingly. And, I’m definitely not talking about wasting wealth, as I have none to waste. I’m talkin’ about pigging out on as much meat as possible and drinking as much alcohol as the body will allow(regular gluttony, not go-to-hell gluttony). I do it! You do it! We all do it! Well, maybe not all of us, just the cool people.

That’s enough about gluttony.

What would life be like without alcohol and meat. Have you thought about it? Me neither, I’m too busy drinking and eating a baloney sandwich. I could never be a vegan. I tried it once, and almost ate a person(don’t judge me). I tried not drinking, many times, actually, and never smiled(I’m a drunk, not an alcoholic). Drunks drink and smile, alcoholics drink and stumble!

I’m done! I hope this was an interesting read. If not, go do some drinking and come back……you’ll feel differently.

Sup,

I figured only a woman knew the true pain of giving birth, but, clearly, I was mistaken, according to the grimace on the faces of these dudes high diving. Man, that’s love for your sport. I kind of feel their pain, though, and making a similar face as I write this. After all, I’m looking at dudes…….in speedos!

Sup,

Ashley Tisdale, apparently, celebrated her 26 years of hotness over the weekend at Pure in Ceasar’s Palace. According to Just Jared Jr.:

The 26-year-old actress, wearing a Foley & Corinna dress and Christian Louboutin booties, partied it up with a group of her closest girlfriends.

“So excited to be in Vegas with my girls @jenkellytisdale @heatherhemmens @Laura_New @kimhidalgo @baileysgirl @sammydroke @shelleybuckner Emily and Bonnie! Just Missin Nessa can’t wait for her to be home soon!!!! Yay!!!” Ashley tweeted in excitement.

Sup,

Ciara splashed around on the beach(wearing sunglasses?) in Miami in a sexy pink bikini to show all of us, a nip slip, and just how ugly and out-of-shape we really are. She recently performed a concert in Miami as part of the Malibu Radio Maliboom Boom Station Invasion tour which I didn’t even know was going on, but hey, at least I get to see Ciara in a bikini. Thanks for the memories, Babe!

FAME

Sup,

Disney’s Ashley Tisdale is…….wait, hold up. There’s something creepy about that. Let’s start over:  Ashley Tisdale is seen here in Malibu, beachin’ it up with friends, doing nothing special, except looking hot as hell in a bikini, which is plenty enough for me. Ashley has been spotted kickin’ it with Zac Efron, recently, which I consider to be a kick in the vadge to Zac’s ex, Vanessa Hudgens, as well as a testament to how irrational the male penis can be, but hey, I’m just a poor bastard sitting at a computer ogling bikini pics of a “Disney Child Star“, so don’t take me too seriously! Unless, of course, you’re sitting at a computer, ogling the bikini pics of a “Disney Child Star“, in which case, I’m compelled to say, “Enjoy, Padawan”!

Ashley can be seen in the CW’s series, “Hellcats”, which I’ve never seen before, but have heard good things about the show. And by good things, I mean the hotness of some of her costars.

On a side note: Is her head lookin’ a little disproportionate in comparison to her body in some of these pics? If you’re, seriously, analyzing her head size right now, you have failed this test. This was only a test! So, stop what you’re doing and go Gleek Out or somethin’, Sissy! You’re reading the wrong blog!

Sup,

Jennifer Lopez just got paid a million bucks to help a happy couple celebrate their holy union, as her’s is headed by the way of “Sandusky”(old country saying, meaning “Going Bye, Bye”). She sang at the wedding of some oil tycoon’s(Azam Aslamov) son in the Ukraine. Lopez announced her split from Marc Anthony last Friday. From The Horse’s Mouth(People):

According to reports, the celebration took place at the Crimean Aivazovskii Hotel on the Black Sea coast. The entire hotel staff – including cleaners and cooks – was sent away for the week of July 17-20, and the location was closed to visitors during this time, except for those with permits.

Lopez danced and sang for $1 million, the paper says. When she came out of her hotel to go to the show, three bulletproof vehicles guarded the exit, to shield her from the view of waiting fans.

The lavish, multimillion-dollar affair attracted several hundred guests, many of whom were flown in by helicopter.

How do you get over a break-up? Go make a million bucks for 2 or 3 hours of singin’, dancin’ and partyin’, that’s how!

Sup,

Jay Cutler is going to marry Hills’ star, Kristin Cavallari, who we all know as quite the hottie. However, her taste in gifts falls way short of what you’d expect from such a hot celeb. Let’s just say, Kristin won’t(or shouldn’t) be asked for any gift ideas no time soon. From the Horse’s Mouth(People):

Cavallari, 24, who announced her engagement to NFL Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, 28, in April, is asking for insulated cookie sheets ($16.95), ruffled pie dishes ($44) and a maple rolling pin ($36), among many more kitchen-friendly items listed on her wedding registry.

For wedding guests willing to dig a little deeper, the soon-to-be newlyweds are also asking for a Williams-Sonoma copper stockpot ($429.95), a Williams-Sonoma 19-piece knife block set ($2,799.95) and a Breville smart oven ($249.95). For those who can’t splurge, a $2.95 Crate & Barrel teabag rest plate shaped like a teapot also made the cut.

The teabag suggestion was thoughtful, but who the hell is really gonna’ show, with a straight face, to a celebrity wedding with some damn teabags? I’m just sayin’! Anyway, congrats to Jay and Kristin.