Wacky Bastards

Sup,

Sexy facial piercings is not a typical phrase for a dude like me, but there are always exceptions. Here are 10 of said exceptions, or maybe it’s the exceptional faces making them sexy!

Sup,

Would you be? Please! If ya’ gonna eat lead on the way to the grave, this may as well be the last thing you see! Who could be afraid of a gun, with a butt like that behind it?

A while ago we did a post about a chick who looked like she, or someone, had stuffed two christmas hams down her dress, ‘cuz how else could she be sportin’ such a big butt?  Well, I’ve come across some more alleged garment stuffers, flaunting raw juiciness that just can’t be explained, and here they are taking H.A.M. to a whole nother level……..Busted!!! Y’all ain’t slick!

Images via Tumblr(NSFW Ads)

Sup,

You know a chick is hot when all she’s showing is a mid drift splattered with ink(real or fake), and that’s all you need to know you’d propose to her at Taco Bell during lunch rush, wearing a sombrero and a thong. Yep, that’s hot! Hey, I’m just the messenger here!

Sup,

I’m all about easy, so this is a new thing that should be “easy” to maintain, since I’ll have all weekend to think about it. With that, I present the first of, hopefully, many Monday 10′s – “Tight Jeans On Appropriate Bodies”. And by appropriate, I mean worthy of ogling to the point of creepiness. Enjoy!

Lets give credit where credit is due – Bravo, Vera Farmiga! Bravo!

In a nutshell, “Higher Ground” is a story about a woman struggling with faith and family in the midst of the loss of a friend rendered a vegetable after a botched surgery. The film stars Vera Farmiga, John Hawkes and Norbert Leo Butz

This film marks Vera Farmiga’s first attempt at directing… and it’s a hell of an attempt, if I do say so myself. Higher Ground is a marvelous depiction of how to maintain one’s faith during times of turmoil, from a traditional, southern, church-going woman’s perspective. What Higher Ground is not is a Christian film trying to shove religion down the viewer’s throat.  The material is handled very well by Farmiga who shows the joys of worship, faith, motherhood and friendship. She does well not to satirize the characters of the film and in it the charm of a small congregation truly comes across, while at the same time showing the potholes that a small church can face in dealing with women. So many times Christians have a tendency to romanticize marriages between individuals who share a strong faith in God as being indestructible. You know the saying – “The couple that prays together, stays together”. Well that guarantees nothing, as Higher Ground shows through the crumbling marriage of Farmiga’s character Corinne Walker and her husband Ethan Miller, played by Joshua Leonard. Corinne and Ethan’s holy bond is tested by her unholy desires.

Deleon’s Final Dish: Much can be said about this movie and not every moment in the film is a golden one, but it is definitely worth checking out. Don’t expect to walk out of this flick a more enlightened individual, just an individual who feels Farmiga’s directorial debut was well worth the price of admission.

Sup,

The boys over at Guyism have a list of 7 Things Women Want In A Man, personality-wise. I think it’s two things that have nothing to do with personality, but hey, who really cares  what I think, right? You do? Awww, that’s nice!

Sup,

I never payed much attention to Mark Rypien, mainly, cuz he played quarterback for the Washington Redskins, whom he did win a Super Bowl with. I’ve never been a fan of the Washington Redskins! In fact, I forgot about Donovan McNabb, momentarily, when he was a QB there. Rypien’s MVP award in Super Bowl XXVI(where the Redskins absolutely destroyed the buffalo Bills) was much deserved, however, especially since he was Canadian, who don’t get much respect in the U.S., unless they play in the NHL, of course. Anyway, turns out Mr. Rypien has a daughter, Angela Rypien, who is also a QB…….in the Lingerie Football League. Where the hell have I been? Chicks and the NFL are very important to me and being in the dark when it comes to significant developments involving either one makes me feel a little less than manly, which I can generally alleviate with several shots of whiskey and some chicken. Well, i’m already drunk and not hungry, so throw that remedy out the window! What was I talkin’ about? Oh yeah, hot chick, with a famous NFL Dad, playing football in her underwear. Angela plays QB for the Seattle Mist, but that really doesn’t matter……she plays in her underwear! She could be the water boy(girl), and it would still be relevant, as long as she’s in her underwear. One has to wonder what a father thinks about his little girl running around in her undies in front of a bunch of ogling, obnoxious, perverted dudes(like me).

One of my favorite sports blogs, Shutdown Corner, shed some light on this very important subject via another sports blog, Lost Lettermen:

The elder Rypien still doesn’t sound thrilled about it, but it also doesn’t appear to bother him either.

“I think everybody that really gets on the field and watches the gals warm up — the ones that come there to support their team or to see what it’s all about, kind of get that, ‘Yeah, they’re out there in their bra and panties and they’re playing football,’” Mark said. “[But] once the first snap happens and they start smacking each other around, you lose sight of all of that and you’re looking at the technical aspects of the game.”

Now, I’m sure Mark Rypien is an understanding, respectful kinda guy, but he just sounds like a very partial father watching his little girl run around with a football, in her drawls with a bunch of other hot chicks, tackling each other in their drawls. Wanna hear comments from an impartial man watching a bunch of hot chicks, running around with a football, tackling each other in their drawls? Ok!

Woooo! Tackle that b*tch! That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout! Rip that sh*t off! Uh Huh!!! Wooo! Hooo! Yeeeeaaaaah!!! Gimme another beer Mutha F*cka!!!

Sorry, just keepin’ it real!

Sup,

So, my boys over at Cinematic Method decided to utilize their high school math skills most of us deemed as worthless to give us a perspective on how Taylor Lautner’s abs make chicks stupid, and I must say “if I were a former math teacher, I’d shed a couple tears, cuz it’s brilliant! They labeled it “The Abduction Discrepancy”!  Lautner’s new movie, Abduction, has been absolutely decimated, not to be confused with decimal(for all you geniuses out there), by critics to the tune of a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, which tends to be a pretty accurate prognosis on the health of a film, from a critic’s standpoint. As one critic, eloquently put it – “a soulless and incompetent action/thriller not even a veteran lead actor could save, let alone Taylor Lautner”. Ahh, but they underestimated the “AB”duction Factor”! Now, I usually don’t pay much attention to critics, unless, of course, it involves a spawn of  “Twilight” movie fame.

Anyway, here’s Gerry’s Genius Breakdown:

(Audience Rating) – (TomatoMeter) = (How much critics overlook abs)

77 – 4 = 73 (Critics overlooked Taylor Lautner’s abs to a level of 73, we will call this the “Why-Is-The-Audience-So-Stupid-Coefficient“)

(Why-Is-The-Audience-So-Stupid-Coefficient) / (The Number of Abs Taylor Lautner Possesses) = (Number of Audience Happy Points)

73 / 12 = 6.1 (If I hear someone tell me this is not an exact figure, I’m going to lose my mind and begin spitting at them until they agree with me. That’s how I win all my battles of wit).

Hey, Gerry, I ain’t arguing witcha! Einstein-esque, Bro! Einstein-esque! I dare anyone to challenge this, and this means you, Self-proclaimed, Movie Expert Geek!

Beginners is a film that explores the complexities of love and loss through the eyes of it’s main character, Oliver, played by Ewan McGregor. The story opens months after his father Hal(Christopher Plummer) has passed away. After drowning in a sea of depression Oliver meets and falls in love with a  young, beautiful and spontaneous french woman named Anna(Melanie Laurent). This new love floods his mind with memories of his father whom after his mother passed- at age 75- opens up to Oliver about being gay and living a vibrant gay lifestyle. Oliver, who has had a history of pushing women away must now make a sacrifice to keep the woman he has now fallen in love with.

Beginners is one of those gems that sneaks into theaters and is gone before you know it. The story utilizes flashbacks involving Oliver’s deceased parents and explores the contrast of love and marriage in the 60′s and 70″s versus the present. Each moment is handled with care especially in dealing with his fathers death. Charlie Chaplin knew that the best relief for drama was laughter, which is exactly how the director, Mike Mills, approaches this film. He shows us that  in the midst of great pain, and even love, there can be humor. This film shines a beautiful light on the hilarity, joy and pains of love and will have you walking away with a smile because it shows you the beauty of everyday life, love and comforts you in it’s portrayal of the loss of a loved one.

You may be reading this and thinking to yourself “but what the heck is Beginners about?” Well it’s about a lot of things and it’s layers run deep, so your best bet is to just go see it.

Deleon’s Final Dish: Superb story, great cast and wonderful direction, which means “be sure and check this one out”. Any true movie fan will enjoy it. Promise!

Sup,

I once went to a dinner where ham was promised but no ham was served. I asked wtf happened and heard “they were all out”. I was pissed, and dinner just wasn’t quite the same. I asked myself, how could they have been outta ham? Of course, the dinner wasn’t about the food, it was about spending time with family and friends, but I really wanted some ham, though! I’m sure I’m not the only individual ever who was disappointed no ham was served at dinner, and I’m pretty sure I found at least one reason why a couple of people at some point  in time went without. Dayum!!!

Sup,

John McEnroe is probably my favorite tennis player ever, next to Arthur Ashe, but John McEnroe used to act like a Spoiled F*****g Brat on the court. He was, however, a dominant force on the tour in his heyday. Has Andy Roddick even had a “heyday”? I didn’t think so! And now, he’s old, so what does the future hold? Well, hopefully, not the asinine behavior he displayed last night in his first-round loss to Phil Kohlschreiber at the Western and Southern Open in Cincinnati. Yeah, first round!!! Now, Kohlschreiber ain’t no scrub, but c’mon, his last name sounds like a kosher hot dog brand. Well, before he lost to Phil, Andy acted like an a**hole and launched a ball into the stands, among other things.Personally, if I were married to Brooklyn Decker, nothing could ever upset me!

Anyway, here’s what Chris Chase over at Busted Racquet had to say:

Andy Roddick was unraveling long before he smashed a ball in frustration to the top of the stands during his first-round match at the Western and Southern Open on Monday night. The former world No. 1 had blown a set and a break lead to Phillip Kohlschreiber and had just double faulted to give the German a chance to go up a break in the deciding set. That’s when he whacked at a ball in anger and sent it sailing high into the Cincinnati night.

Instead of serving at 30-40, Roddick was issued a point penalty for his actions and would lose the game without playing another point. He went down 0-5 in the set and eventually lost to Kohlschreiber 6-7 (5), 7-5, 6-1.

The early loss continues Roddick’s lost summer. In the rankings released next week, he’ll be outside the top 20 for the first time since Aug. 19, 2001. He’s won just five of his last 14 matches overall, including the last four straight. Since losing an epic five-set Wimbledon final to Roger Federer in 2009, Roddick has advanced to the quarterfinals of a Slam only once. Four times he’s gone out in the third round or earlier.

I mean, a tennis ball launched into the air can easily be caught, but a line drive would be a different story. Maybe next time, eh, Andy? I know it’s your livelihood, and it’s hella competitive, but when you start launching balls into the stands and risking the safety of innocent fans there’s only one solution: Some serious reflection regarding your future, followed by a group intervention, featuring a staunch ass-whoopin’(and maybe some extra workouts), you rich, hot wife-having ingrate!