Wacky Bastards

Sup,

Yep, but not Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook. They’re suing Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Like Store. It’s kind of a funny story….not really!

WHDH reports:

Israeli entrepreneur Rotem Guez says he has legally changed his name to that of Facebook’s CEO, a gimmick meant to persuade the social networking site to back down from what he says are threats to take legal action against him.

He’s telling Facebook: “If you want to sue me, you’re going to have to sue Mark Zuckerberg.”

He says a lawyer for Facebook pressed him this week to close his online business, Like Store, calling it illegal.

Oh, I get it……LAME!!! Guez, actually, acknowledges his site violates Facebook’s TOS. My advice: Do something else , Bro. This is like David going up against Goliath, if David were a snail and Goliath a 500-pound Bengal Tiger. Whenever Goliath decides to end it, it(The End) will come. Nothing Biblical will happen here, except a quick, predictable ass-whoopin’!

Sup,

Being a limo driver seems like it would be cool. Riding VIP’s around, occasionally, meeting celebrities, witnessing wild sh*t every so often – it seems so glamorous, right? Sure, until you get jacked at gunpoint by some naked dude!

KSDK reports -

A police dog took down a naked carjacking suspect Saturday in Whittier, California.

It started Saturday evening when Irvine police say someone stole a Hummer limousine after pointing a gun at the driver.

No one else was in the limo at the time.

After the limo turned into a residential area the driver jumped out, naked, and ran away with his arms up.

Nothin’ like having to take a naked man’s back and handcuff him, eh? Damn, being a police officer kinda sucks too!!!

Sup,

When I was 11, I walked in on a burglary after school. It messed me up for a while. I’m pretty sure they did drugs, ‘cuz they dropped a bag of pennies and nickels worth about 5 bucks on the way out the door they busted down. I’m positive that Elizabeth Halfmoon does drugs.

WOTV reported:

A woman in Oklahoma is arrested for allegedly mixing chemicals needed to make meth inside a Walmart. She reportedly told police she was too broke to buy the chemicals. Shoppers had no idea this woman is suspected of cooking meth inside Walmart while they were inside.

Police said once Walmart security knew what Elizabeth Halfmoon was up to, they called police.

The worst part is Walmart zombies shoppers had no idea what was taking place right under their noses, but this is my favorite part of the story:

“This is a family store,” said Jessica Fuentes, who had her 1-year-old son in the store. “People need to start thinking. If she has family, she needs to think about her family. If you are broke, do something. Get a job, do something better with your life. Don’t do something like that. It’s just wrong.”

People need to start thinking? She needs to think about her family? Hey, Jessica, get hooked on meth and let’s revisit this topic. People on drugs have sold their own kids to get high! Straight dudes give BJ’s to get high! Do you really believe these individuals are of sound mind? Do you think they’re thinking about anything else but drugs? It’s that easy, eh? I love how people simplify sh*t! It’s called an epidemic for a reason.

Sup,

People have complained about welfare recipients for as long as I can remember. “Why can’t they just get a job?” “I’m not paying taxes, so they can live the good life and sit on their asses all day!” Sound familiar? Well, I’ve got a story for ya’. How do you feel about your tax dollars enabling recipients to live on a lake and jet around the world, truly living the good life? Well, allow me to introduce David Silverstein and Lyudmila Shimonova of Seattle, Washington.

According to MYNDYTV:

A Seattle chiropractor and his wife live in a $1.2 million waterfront home and have spent the past eight years flying to Moscow, Paris, Israel, Turkey, Mexico and the Dominican Republic.

All the while, federal authorities say, the couple was collecting more than $100,000 in welfare.

Now, the U.S. attorney’s office is suing David Silverstein and Lyudmila Shimonova, accusing them of filing false claims and demanding that the couple pay back more than $135,000 in federal housing assistance since 2003. Prosecutors are also seeking tens of thousands of dollars in fines.

In gaining Section 8 housing assistance, Shimonova represented that she lived alone with her two children and that her household assets were less than $5,000. Silverstein received the monthly benefits of $1,272 as Shimonova’s purported landlord, the government said.

Shimonova also received benefits under the federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program, as well as Social Security cash reserved for people who can’t work due to age or disability and whose assets fall below a certain threshold — $3,000 for a married couple or $2,000 for a single person, the complaint said.

Damn! That’s a nice f*ckin house, though! What a feel good story! Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars swindled out from under our noses for waterfront property and exotic trips, only to get caught and humiliated publicly! Sometimes, life’s fair!

Sup,

I consider myself an animal lover, but I must say, there’s a realm of animal love I never knew existed, and it’s portal is located in Turkmenistan. One of it’s residents(not pictured) walked his dog in the wrong place, and then all hell broke lose.

According to the Daily Mail:

The man had been strolling along the streets of the capital, Ashgabat, when he was surrounded by police, shoved to the floor and whisked away to the custody suite, along with his pet.

Officers then told him that an order had come from the top – either the police could shoot the dog or he would have to go to jail for two weeks.

To save his pet, the man opted for prison. He was allowed one phone call and used it to ask his relatives to pick up the dog.

You think you know, but you have know idea. This is a story of true pet love! My dog probably wouldn’t have made it. Would yours?

Sup,

Everybody’s Mama has pissed them off(some more than others), but to go HAM on ya’ Mama is just wrong! Well, Emanuel Cordell Kennedy didn’t get that memo, so he went all Jigga and Yeezy on the woman who brought his crazy ass into the world…….Sad! This fool just looks crazy! Who the hell smiles for the mugshot?  Rest of story here

Sup,

When I was a little youngin’, my Mom used to let me do little things that had my chest sticking out, feeling like a grown ass man – help with the dishes, fold clothes, etc. She would later benefit from her actions. A Delaware mom, 34-year old Tammy Oneal, won’t be benefiting from her actions involving her 9-year old son:

According to court records, numerous witnesses saw the boy pull into the parking lot of his elementary school in Dover Tuesday morning and get out. Police say his mother, 34-year-old Tammy Oneal, drove away.

Capt. Tim Stump says Oneal told police she has allowed her son to drive in a field since he was 5. Stump says she said the boy begged her to let him drive the quarter-mile to school.

Umm, Yeaaah…….there comes a time when you realize just how fortunate you are to have had responsible parents, no matter how many times you wanted to cuss them out growing up. Of course, at 9, you’d think you had the coolest parents in the world for allowing you to drive, until, of course, that first visit to the pen.

Sup,

I’ve known many women who were desperate to be married. I’ve seen ‘em buy dudes, give ‘em the punani too early and even try to trap dudes with pregnancy. Here’s one I never saw coming:

Thirty-year-old Wei-yih Chen, an office worker from Taipei, was uninspired by the men she had met from whom she would have picked a marriage partner.

Succumbing to social pressure, she decided to get married, but to herself, without a groom!

She posed for a set of photos in a flowing white dress, hired a wedding planner and rented a banquet hall for a marriage celebration with 30 friends. She even paid for a solo honeymoon to Australia!

“Age thirty is a prime period for me. My work and experience are in good shape, but I haven’t found a partner, so what can I do? It’s not that I’m anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition,” said Chen.

Way to blaze a trail there, Wei-yih! Just another blow to the institution of marriage.

Sup,

Anatoly Moskvin likes dolls, which is a problem in itself for a grown-ass man. The real problem lies in the fact that he likes his dolls to be really real, as in real people!

The Kansas City Star reports:

The Russian historian had always been open about his interest in the dead and  eagerly described how he loved to rummage through cemeteries, studying grave  stones to uncover the life stories behind them.

What he failed to mention, according to police, was that he had dug up 29  bodies and taken them back to his apartment, where he dressed them in women’s  clothes scavenged from graves and then put them on display.

I’ve said it before, “The world scares the piss out of me!” On the really real, Russia really scares the piss out of me!

Sup,

This dude, Michael Selleneit, shot his neighbor, Tony Pierce, because he claimed Tony was telepathically raping his wife. Huh?

Sup,

I had days in the past where I was starvin’ like Marvin and felt the need to beg for money to get some grub. I even stole a candy bar from 7-11 once(like 16 years ago). I can’t say that I’ve ever been as hungry as Sean Faulker, ‘cuz that would entail getting drunk as hell, “wahooing” a sandwich out of a local bar(yes, a bar!), making a run for it on a forklift and not thinking about the repercussions for one second. And for the corny analogy – that’s what I call being hungry as a Mother Faulker!!!

From the horse’s mouth(Metro):

The 38-year-old entered Sieb’s Pub in an intoxicated state to order one of the eatery’s $8 (£5) sandwiches, it was not until Faulker ran out with the stolen sandwich that things got interesting.

Running away with the sandwich soon became a bit too much hard work for drunk Faulker, as he proceeded to hop on a forklift to help his tired legs get away from the scene quicker.

A Reuben sandwich? Doesn’t that have sauerkraut on it? Eww!

Sup,

When i was a kid, I used to cry like a sucka when I lost at Monopoly! You woulda thought I got punched in the face by a girl in front of all my homies, or something. A 60-year-old, New Mexican woman, apparently, shares the same passion for Monopoly as I once had, and then some!

According to KASA:

A Santa Fe woman has been arrested on suspicion of repeatedly stabbing her boyfriend over a game of Monopoly.

According to a probable cause statement from Santa Fe police, Chavez and the victim began fighting because Chavez thought he was cheating.

Uh huh….he was whoopin’ that ass and almost had her in the poor house, so he had to be cheating! Nothing more to do but try and kill his ass, right?